IOWA CITY, Iowa – Every summer approximately 4,500 students come to Iowa City to register for classes and meet new friends as part of the University of Iowa Freshman Orientation. Along with new classes and a few new friends, freshman Rick Copperfield walked away with a sore arm.
“Holy shit this was the most boring fucking thing I’ve ever been to,” said the 18 year old from Naperville, Illinois. “I fucked up my arm doing the jerk off motion when the dork administrators were talking about going to class and not drinking and shit.”
Copperfield ended up at the University of Iowa Hospital and Clinics after two and one half days of constantly doing the ‘jerk off’ motion with his hand during various lectures and events at the orientation.
“We see this type of injury a lot in the summer with incoming freshman,” said emergency room doctor Steven Dice. “The only real cure for this is to play the game and nod your head.”
Incoming UI Freshman Rick Copperfield while listening to UI President Sally Mason welcome his group to the University of Iowa.
Copperfield said the worst part of orientation so far was the ice breaker sessions. “They made us get together with other people and play stupid games in order to meet people. I sat in the corner and made sarcastic comments.”
Copperfield anticipates an even worse time this weekend when the On Iowa Program kicks off. New this year, the program is a three day event which further introduces students to college life.
“For fuck’s sake this is stupid,” said Copperfield. “I’m going to have to be high or drunk to put up with more shit – I’m bringing an arm brace for this.”