IOWA CITY, Iowa - Officials from both the University of Iowa and Purdue University announced today that UI President Sally Mason will serve as the traveling trophy between the two universities, beginning in 2011. Mason, who served as Provost of Purdue from 2001-2007, said she is excited about the new development, which comes on the heels of the Big Ten Conference announcement that Iowa and Purdue will be a protected football rivaly.
“My closet contains lots of black and gold clothing,” said Mason. “The possibility of having to spend a year every so often in West Lafayette is actually very appealing.” Mason, who has described herself publicly as a “Hawkeye girl,” acknowledges she can play the role as a “Boiler Maker girl” once in a while, as she has had experience being a “Baby Maker” a few times before. “Being a boiler maker is not as difficult as being a baby maker. Being a baby maker involves lots of weight-gain, bleeding and screaming. As a boiler maker, I won’t experience the weight-gain.”
Mason’s husband, Ken, is not as excited as his wife for the potential of an annual move. “Every time we move, I end up having to haul all of Sally’s crap from her closets to the Ryder truck. She bosses me around and it’s embarrassing. I can’t imagine going through that very often.”
Mason, however, dismissed Ken’s concerns. “He knew what he was getting into when he married me. I promise not to implement campus leash laws, so Ken can simply follow me around a college campus without a leash. However, if he pisses me off, he will find himself wearing both a leash and muzzle. So he’d better just nod his head yes and pretend he likes it.”
Ken, with a frightened look on his face, promised to support his wife in her decision to travel between the two universities. “Whatever prevents me from getting smacked with a newspaper, I will go along with.” Ken then tried to hide the fact he had pooped on the carpet in the entry way of the President’s House on Church Street. Mason, upon smelling the poop, found Ken cowering in the closet of the master bedroom. She grabbed him by the neck and made him smell the poop, then put him out in the back yard.
Iowa meets Purdue November 19, 2011, in West Lafayette.