CHICAGO – The Big Ten Network announced today it will place a “blue dot” over the face of former Penn State head football coach Joe Paterno’s face on all future replays of Penn State games. The announcement, made in the wake of NCAA and Big Ten sanctions against the …
BREAKING: Penn State Required to Register as Sex Offender
STATE COLLEGE, Penn. – Moments after the statue of former head football coach Joe Paterno was removed earlier today, the NCAA announced Penn State University would now be required to register as a sex offender. The unprecedented penalty, announced by NCAA President Marc Emmart, is designed to protect the …
Tommy from Des Moines Pissed He Wasn’t Interviewed for Offensive Coordinator
DES MOINES – Tommy from Des Moines expressed his discontent that he was not interviewed for the Iowa offensive coordinator position recently filled by Greg Davis. Tommy, a football expert according to himself, made his comments on the “Hawk Talk with Fran McCaffery” program earlier this evening. The program originates …
Iowa Officials Not Fooled By Offensive Coordinator Applicant “Ben O’Beef”
IOWA CITY, Iowa – Ken O’Keefe resigned from his position as Iowa’s Offensive Coordinator on February 3. Almost immediately, a flood of applications arrived at Hayden Fry Football Complex in Iowa City. Today, head coach Kirk Ferentz announced that former Texas assistant Greg Davis would replace O’Keefe. Ferentz interviewed a …
Gatens Applies for 5th Season Under ‘Lickliter Hardship’ Provision
IOWA CITY – Matt Gatens, the Iowa senior guard who averaged more than 30 points per game last week, has applied to the NCAA for a fifth season of eligibility. Gatens committed to play for the Hawkeyes as a high school freshman. At the time, Steve Alford held the …
“Did Iowa Win?” Asks Wife, Just Before Husband Punches Her in the Face
FORT DODGE, Iowa – When Rex Miller arrived home late last night after attending the Iowa football game at Minnesota, his wife was already asleep on the couch. As Stacia Miller heard the garage door, she went to the kitchen and waited for her husband to enter. When Rex walked …
Area Man’s Annual Trip to Kinnick Results in Acquisition of 2 Dozen Souvenir Cups
KEOTA, Iowa – Roger Ellison’s annual trip to Kinnick Stadium last Saturday night resulted in retrieval of several souvenir cups. Ellison was on hand to watch the Iowa Hawkeyes defeat Northwestern 41-31. Following the game, as the band belted out “In Heaven There is No Beer,” Ellison made his way …
Minnesota Offers to Cancel Game, Ship Floyd to Iowa City
MINNEAPOLIS – The University of Minnesota has offered to cancel next week’s football game against the University of Iowa and simply ship the Floyd of Rosedale to Iowa City. “We are going to get piss-pounded by the Hawks,” said UM Athletics Director Joe Maturi. “Plus we have Nebraska coming …
BREAKING: Pelini Calls NCAA at Halftime, Requests rest of Buckeyes to be Suspended Immediately
LINCOLN, Nebraska – Nebraska head football coach Bo Pelini placed an emergency telephone call to the NCAA offices during halftime of his team’s contest with Ohio State. Pelini was attempting to convince NCAA President Mark Emmert to suspend the entire Ohio State team for the second half of this evening’s …










